The Fallen Star of Alex Rodriguez and "Clean Baseball"

I believed in Alex Rodriguez. That much I am sure of. Look no farther than the A-Rod poster that stands in my basement. Ironically, his teammate and polar opposite Derek Jeter is featured on a poster mere feet away from him. Those two were the yin and yang of Yankees baseball a few years ago. Jeter was the consummate professional, tirelessly leading his team and saying all the right things to the media, who looked to him as the disciples did to Jesus. Derek Jeter was pure. Derek Jeter was unwavering. He was a breath of fresh air in a city that sometimes stank of uncleanliness.

It was never the same with A-Rod. He was far more talented, sure. In the end, Rodriguez's career numbers will trump Jeter's in almost every category. With the talent, however, came a sense of priority that A-Rod felt he deserved. Although it was downplayed over the years, A-Rod never felt comfortable being the best because he was never treated as such on the Yankees. It was always Jeter's clubhouse, and it was never going to change. The undertones of jealousy were heavy, as the man who was rocketing up all time leaderboards did not take to a challenge that he could not overcome.

I guess that's why every media outlet has been talking about A-Rod, from ESPN's nonstop coverage of the suspension, to discussion on shows like the Today Show that rarely, if ever, talk about sports. When all the layers are cut away, it's the sad story of a man who couldn't settle for being second best. Not in baseball. Not in his life. Not even in his own clubhouse. And for someone who was being celebrated as the clean home run king and baseball's savior from the steroid era, it's a debilitating reminder to the public that no one is safe from corruption.

October 2009. It is the first year that I have really taken an interest to baseball. In the past, I could have told you the Yankees roster and shown you my tickets from games to which I had been, but now I have been drawn into the Yankee Way. It is a romantic vision of what life is supposed to be like, and how to live the right way. Something about the team that has taken the field in Game 1 of the World Series screams this philosophy. As I sit there in the grandstand level, watching a historic scene unfold before me, I think of the unquestioned superstar of October thus far: Alex Rodriguez. In the early months of the year, he  admitted to taking banned drugs during his time with the Texas Rangers, but he seemed remorseful and different. Different than the A-Rod who couldn't deal with being the Robin to Jeter's Batman. Indeed, A-Rod promised to cut the unnecessary distractions which he was famous for, and went on to have a renaissance season. He symbolizes redemption, and making the most of second chances. I feel proud to be a fan of his.

When the Yankees go on to win the World Series that year, no one is happier than A-Rod. It is his justification for the clean break he had made from his past self. He had asked people to judge him from the time of his steroid admission, and A-Rod 2.0 was shaping up to be better than the original.

Thinking back now at  the charges have been laid against him, what was he thinking at that point? Did it bother him at all that he lied day in and day out about something that he had promised to come clean? Reported Biogenesis documents outline purchase orders of his from that glory year of 2009 until last year. The public should not have been so naïve as to judge a man based on his terms. Of course, that's never how life works.

October 2012. It's been three years since that magical run that A-Rod led his team on to win the World Series. It was A- Rod's team then. Everyone knew that. Even Derek Jeter, and the Yankees are always Derek Jeter's Yankees. Now they are Jeter's Yankees again, and in the late innings of Game 1 of the ALCS, they are looking to follow their captain, who is having a resurgent season of his own, to another title.

Jhonny Peralta grounds a pitch from David Phelps up the middle. The captain moves to his left. Then, as if his leg was made up of Jenga blocks, he falls. One too many blocks was placed on the tower at that moment. Derek smiles, looking like he is going to hop up and jog back to his position, ready to field the next ball hit to him, Except he can't get up. Yankee Stadium goes silent. Watching alone in my house, I go silent. It's broken. The first thing I think. Not just the ankle. The team. Their chances of a title.

Isn't it ironic? When the top dog of New York goes down, the man so desperate to replace him is perhaps further down. A-Rod is having an awful October. He can't hit right handed pitching. He can barely hit at all. The born again Raul Ibanez has taken his spot, and the man once celebrated for his October heroics is back to being the goat of the fall.

At this point, nobody knew that A-Rod was playing on an injured hip. Nobody knew that he was using again either. In retrospect, there's a lot of things that we didn't know about Alex. Maybe that's from where this all stems. Would people treat Alex better if he gave us a snapshot into his life, and revealed his secrets to them? Or would that just make us more disgusted by him? Like all things A-Rod, it remains a mystery.

February 2013. A Miami newspaper has broken the story of the Biogenesis clinic based in Florida, which supposedly supplied banned substances to a number of MLB players. Chief among them is the man that asked us all to believe in him again after his past transgressions - Alex Rodriguez.  My first reaction is one of disgust. The 2009 title, one that had solidified my interest in baseball, was built not on heart and determination, but on chemical aid. Of course, we still do not know to what extent A-Rod was using, and there were many other players who helped to win that title. It doesn't matter much to me now.

I wish that it was different, that we would be celebrating one of the great players as he made his climb to history, but this is almost certainly not the case. All I can do is sit there and think about how steroids have caused so much anguish in baseball, and today is possibly the worst day of them all.

Throughout the whole steroid investigation, MLB has been concerned about cleaning up the game. But for what reasons? The good of the game, of course. This somewhat misguided reasoning is detrimental to people like A-Rod. People who believe that they are the good of the game. Levying a suspension and making the reasoning based on "the best interests of baseball" doesn't teach anyone anything. Rather, the negative health benefits should be highlighted more. Steroid users are drug users, and as with all drugs, it is very easy to get addicted to the drug or the results it imparts on the body. Depending on whose story you believe, A-Rod used from 2001-2003, then supposedly stopped after a neck injury. But did he ever stop? Drug addicts go through relapses, and A-Rod is no different. Just because he used drugs for sports related purposes does not make it acceptable. Our society tends to lose all sympathy for celebrity drug users. Unfortunately, Alex will not hear many voices urging him to seek help, but he will hear those condoning what he did as acceptable. He will hear the endless coverage of his steroid use. He will hear the attention.

August 2013. Biogenesis suspensions have just been handed out. 12 players receive 50 game bans for a first time offense. Alex Rodriguez is different. He always has been. Bud Selig hands him a suspension for 211 games - the rest of 2013 and all of 2014. Rodriguez holds a press conference at 6:15 on August 5th. Word is that he plans to fight the suspension, into arbitration and possibly a court of law. As Alex sits down, a nation eagerly tunes into his every word. There is a long pause. Then Alex thanks us all for being here and says that the last 7 months have been a nightmare for him. He pauses again. For a moment, I catch something in his eye. It's not sadness. It is regret. I flash back to his plea in 2009 for forgiveness, for something better than this. He had to have wanted something better than this.

A-Rod talks of how excited he is to be back with the Yankees, playing baseball at the highest level again. I believe him. Many don't. Many won't ever believe him again. But in that moment, I believe him.

The rest of the session involves A-Rod deflecting questions that would require an answer that might incriminate him in arbitration. As he leaves, I try to imagine, again, what he is thinking. I imagine that he wishes things were different. Does he want to just sit back down, free of any charges or suspicion, and field questions about how he feels about coming back, or how the Yankees are doing this year? Someone could ask him about the PED suspensions in baseball, and Alex could talk of how he was once one of those people, and how he supports all efforts to help them. Everyone would believe him too. He would take the field that night to boos. But not steroid boos. Boos for the return of a Hall of Fame caliber player who is back. He could jog out onto the field, away from controversy and drug use and insecurity. He'd be on top of the world once again, for the right reasons this time.

The Alex Rodriguez story is not over, not for many more months. There will be more people who boo A-Rod at opposing parks. Many who rip him on national television, in front of an impressionable audience. Baseball players will call him names. He will get hate mail, angry calls and tweets from people who feel cheated by his cheating. There will be no Hall of Fame for him. A man who wanted to be the best is now as far from it as you can get.

The worst part of this is that there will be others. There was Bonds before A-Rod. Canseco before Bonds. Someone will succeed A-Rod as drug cheat #1 soon. Ryan Braun, outfielder for the Brewers, is well on his way to doing so. Baseball will never have a clean game if these players are more of a headline story then the actual game. It starts with penalizing players for the right reasons. A bit of compromise on both sides is necessary, but there's no reason that it can't happen soon. With the generational shift that we are experiencing right now, young players like Mike Trout, Bryce Harper, and Manny Machado have a more important role than they realize. They will be looked to for leadership into a more accountable and clean era for baseball. It might not happen with them. But it will someday. Of this I am sure.

I still believe in Alex Rodriguez. I believe that he still has a major role in cleaning up the game of baseball. It will never happen without Alex. He needs to be the example that spurs young players to stay away from the drugs. He has the power to be the symbol that no one else could be. In  a sense, the fate of baseball still rests with Alex Rodriguez in a way that it has never rested with Derek Jeter.

As with all of us it's up to A-Rod as to how he lives the rest of his life. He could go home after he retires and live a lavish lifestyle brought about by the millions of dollars that he made in his career. On the other hand, he could participate in anti steroid programs, talk to kids around the country about his mistakes, and become one of the driving forces for a clean game. The flash of regret that I saw on his face during his press conference suggests the latter. Nobody can erase their past mistakes, but what we can do is use them to help create a brighter future.

I believe in what A-Rod wanted for himself, in his intentions, and most importantly, his humanity. I believe that he will create a brighter future for himself and for the game of baseball as a whole. I believe that morality will win in this fight. I believe that we will remember A-Rod in a positive light when all is said and done. I believe in Alex Rodriguez.