What we're Not doing this (new) school year

Well, they say you can't have it all (at the same time). Normally with regard to women and having both children and a career.

Here, it's being applied to after and within school activities. You cannot do everything, no matter how appealing it all seems. All five of your kids cannot be piano-playing ballerinas who kick some tush at soccer, win blue ribbons at horse shows, slalom on one water ski, and get holes in one at miniature golf. Or, maybe they can. But, it takes effort. And there are only so many given hours in one day, and they are all relying on just one mom -- me.

Sorry. I wish I could. I wish I could do homework, practice piano, carpool to every activity till two in the morning, and wake at 5 for a six a.m. hockey practice, but, hey, it's me! Only, sadly, moi.

I am human, and I do want you all to be super stars. David Beckham and Posh Spice and Madeleine Albright but perhaps more youthful and devastatingly sexy... I want you to win awards, competitions, take your teams to the state finals, and get your pictures on the local Patch sites. I want whatever you want for yourselves, and what I want for you too.

But, there is getting dressed, eating breakfast, even getting out the door and into the car each morning takes energy. Pickups, and wind downs and naps and down time all take time, as well as baths, night-time rituals, hugs, kisses, playing tag in the backyard.

And then there are the extra curriculars. Which all sound swell, and are amazingly done in our neck of the woods. Are a treat to participate in, as well as a luxury. You have to afford hockey and ballet and the gear and the outfits you grow out of every six months. You have to have the time to take them yourself. You have to pick and choose and choose again.

Last week Christiane just did not want to do ballet. So we are waiting till next month to see. (She's only three! I keep on reminding myself). Yesterday Petros (six) said he just wants to spend an afternoon at home! So we canceled tennis and he did just that, joyously.

There was more time for humanity, to walk in the door and hang out. To visit their dad installing plantings at the new house going up down the road. To take off shoes, have a cheese stick, play outdoors, play indoors. Do some homework, un-harried. It was all just lovely. More time to Be. A family. To just: be.

They get it. They really do, the kids. I need to get it through my head as well. More is not always more. Sometimes it's just too much.

Today while running and thinking of all my to-do's, my heart started to race. And I thought, What am I doing to myself? I push and push and push. But is this really the answer? More? Now! This way! Do it just right, right now?

I am an overachiever. I am someone who gets things in before the deadline. I am someone for whom the word perfectionism was invented just get me revved to go for the impossible. I start to salivate at the thought of actually coming close to some flawless, sanitized ideal.

But wait. Breathe. Be alive. Slow down. Enjoy life, them, me even. Enjoy the run, enjoy the time. Do less, but live more fully.

I don't want to collapse at Fisher Meadows and be carried off in an ambulance. Though ambulances are very exciting for Constantine (three as well) and he always points them out to me. I want to be here, healthy, calm, joyful, and at peace.

Only then can they grow and thrive in an actual atmosphere where sanity and the core values of putting people first -- not a clean counter or an attended tennis lesson or even combed hair -- are espoused. But people -- first. How are They doing? Right now?

Breathe. Be with another human being. Just soak them all in.

This is primo. (The name of my Italian hair cutter when I was a kid on Clark Street near the subway station in Brooklyn Heights. His mother, God bless her, actually named him Primo.)

Jennifer Dulos also blogs at www.fivemakesseven.com.