Do You Know Your Communication Type?

The  “TMI’s”, the “space invaders”,  the “interrupters”, the “me- me’s”, the “topic changers”, the “interviewers”  (Barbara Walters “wannabes”) the  “mumblers”  and the “debaters” are all examples of communication personalities that drive people away and limit success in our careers and personal lives.  

We all know people with these traits, learn to tolerate them, probably still love them, but help them learn to communicate better? Probably never.

Once one reaches adulthood, it is too late to tell someone that they talk too much, too fast, or are too invasive.  As parents, however, it is not only acceptable, but also considered well within the parent and caregiver’s role to continually correct a child for any of the above communicative offenses. How many times a day as parents or teachers do we offer feedback such as “say excuse me,” “wait your turn,” “use your indoor voice,” “say hi” and “slow down”?  In reality, what we need to realize is that the more effective way to teach proper interpersonal behaviors is to model them each and every day to our kids. By modeling and training proper communication behaviors from the start, parents and caregivers can lower the rates of future space invaders, TMI’s, etc. 

In all fairness, individual adults are not always to blame, but rather our fast paced, over productive society that is on technical overload.  I think we are all becoming more aware of how overscheduled our lives are. So, I have to believe that this is the first step to change.  With regard to communication, it is imperative that we stop, slow down and start communicating again- The real stuff where you actually look at the person, hear the tone in their voice and see the expression on their face.

In my last blog, I referenced recent research which demonstrates that the amount of time  that parents and children spend in quality conversations with each other is only an average of about  five minutes per day.  Ironically enough, autism is reaching epidemic proportions at an incidence of 1/110 children getting diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorders (according to Autism Speaks, 2011).  According to Wikipedia, autism is “a disorder of neural development characterized by impaired social interaction and communication, and by restricted and repetitive behavior.” 

Maybe it is no coincidence that as our society is losing its communication skills, and restricting its behaviors (to computer and cell phone use), so are our brand new members of society.  Is this evolution? If this process of natural selection continues, we will eventually need to redefine what is “normal” in regards to communication.

Red Flags for Adult Communication Offenders:

• People back up when you are talking to them
• When seeing someone you know from a distance, they raise their hand to wave, pick up their pace and keep going
• You did not get the promotion you wanted even though you have seniority, and the strongest credentials
• People with intact hearing are continually asking “what” or look very confused in response to what you are saying.
• You wouldn’t be able to offer one piece of news about another person after talking to them for 10 minutes    
• Life is a competition to you, and you need to win and be right all the time
• You frequently miss information, forget names and dates, and have trouble following instructions accurately
• You truly believe that all rules are for  “them”

Please visit www.waityourturnllc.com  for more information on how you can improve your communication skills if you think that your problems are more than just bad habits.

Stay tuned to learn how to help maximize communication skills in your children or students in my next blog!